Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, tranquil clam.

Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Flagjadnan Gessbigvilcussbusnuttbodyik Tamnuttvan's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Never talk about dark matter.