Vaddodflap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, all-knowing tortoise.

Vaddodflap created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaddodflap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vaddodflap, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vaddodflap's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Vaddodflap's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always take life seriously.