Zenfutpark is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, staggering turtle.

Zenfutpark created dark matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenfutpark, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zenfutpark, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zenfutpark's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Zenfutpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Always help sick dogs.

3. Never laugh near cats.

4. Do not kill seals.

5. Always take life seriously.