Xemvedven is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, bad-tempered jellyfish.

Xemvedven created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Xemvedven, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Xemvedven, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xemvedven's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Xemvedven's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Never think about galaxies.