Jarnmigxen is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, amazing armadillo.

Jarnmigxen created bats two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmigxen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnmigxen, she will turn you into a rock.

Jarnmigxen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jarnmigxen's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Worship no other gods but Jarnmigxen.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.