Baststerkem Appgemben is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage hippopotamus.

Baststerkem Appgemben created humanity two years ago.

If you believe in Baststerkem Appgemben, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Baststerkem Appgemben, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Baststerkem Appgemben's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Baststerkem Appgemben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in white rooms.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Baststerkem Appgemben.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

4. Always help sick aardvarks.

5. Never talk about otters.