Bestzimyatbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, witty gorilla.

Bestzimyatbeg created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestzimyatbeg, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bestzimyatbeg, he will laugh at you.

Bestzimyatbeg's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bestzimyatbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never feed lots of onions to swans while wearing turquoise ear rings.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bestzimyatbeg.