Zagkarhon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, prudent snail.

Zagkarhon created a Higgs boson nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagkarhon, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zagkarhon, he will turn you into a mole.

Zagkarhon's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Zagkarhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

2. Never hurt squirrels.

3. Always treat snails with great respect.

4. Always wear green.

5. Never laugh in holy places.