Lakflisgidcadpitkar is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, witless seal.

Lakflisgidcadpitkar created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakflisgidcadpitkar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lakflisgidcadpitkar, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lakflisgidcadpitkar's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Lakflisgidcadpitkar's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakflisgidcadpitkar.

4. Snails are not to be trusted.

5. Hide if nine swans approach from the south.