Quartfidved is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awesome aardvark.

Quartfidved created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quartfidved, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quartfidved, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quartfidved's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Quartfidved's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.