Flowcemwad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, generous aardvark.

Flowcemwad created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flowcemwad, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flowcemwad, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flowcemwad's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Flowcemwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Never bounce in the presence of rats.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

4. Never eat nuts.

5. Do not covet oxen.