Gabgadwig is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, staggering hyena.

Gabgadwig created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Gabgadwig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gabgadwig, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Gabgadwig's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gabgadwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt rats.

2. Do not chant in public.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not make images of living things.