Xemweenarl is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional meerkat.

Xemweenarl created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemweenarl, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xemweenarl, he will destroy your favourite star.

Xemweenarl's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Xemweenarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest fawn.

2. Never feed parsnips to hamsters while wearing pink shorts.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xemweenarl.

5. Xemweenarl must be the most important thing in your life.