Jophunlun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing unicorn.

Jophunlun created a bottom quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jophunlun, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jophunlun, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Jophunlun's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jophunlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Do not speak about nuts.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.