Fomminmum is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, compassionate hydra.

Fomminmum created time and space seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fomminmum, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fomminmum, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fomminmum's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fomminmum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Shrews are not to be trusted.

4. Never mention monkeys.

5. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.