Mapnarlbegbum is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witty faun.

Mapnarlbegbum created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Mapnarlbegbum, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mapnarlbegbum, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Mapnarlbegbum's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Mapnarlbegbum's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo moths, for they are unholy.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Mapnarlbegbum loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing pink stockings and balancing five titanium spheres on your chest.