Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, competent donkey.

Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad, she will remove you from existence.

Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Nanjabtigjat Flandibnad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick whales.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.