Lagpangquat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured frog.

Lagpangquat created a strange quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Lagpangquat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lagpangquat, he will turn you into a mouse.

Lagpangquat's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Lagpangquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Never wear cyan shoes.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

4. Do not wear pink clothing.

5. Do not speak about nuts.