Appzoglik is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, temperamental raccoon.

Appzoglik created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Appzoglik, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Appzoglik, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Appzoglik's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Appzoglik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near swans while wearing fawn kilts.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must love Appzoglik.

5. Retreat if five pigs approach from the north.