Bopcandam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, competent gorilla.

Bopcandam created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bopcandam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bopcandam, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bopcandam's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bopcandam's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into indigo rooms.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Never feed strawberries to monkeys while wearing corsets.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bopcandam.