Mutcenfet is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid porpoise.

Mutcenfet created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutcenfet, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Mutcenfet, it will torture you forever.

Mutcenfet's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Mutcenfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

2. Never paint your arms pink.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never talk about spacetime.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.