Gonpakfub is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, quiet narwhal.

Gonpakfub created tapeworms eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonpakfub, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gonpakfub, it will turn you into a rock.

Gonpakfub's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Gonpakfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick geese.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not take Gonpakfub's name in vain.

5. Do not drink alcohol.