Timtuncad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, flying manatee.

Timtuncad created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timtuncad, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Timtuncad, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Timtuncad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Timtuncad's Holy Commandments

1. Timtuncad must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about special relativity.

3. Put Timtuncad first in all things.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.