Donkonquim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying grasshopper.

Donkonquim created the planet Venus eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Donkonquim, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Donkonquim, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Donkonquim's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Donkonquim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Donkonquim.

3. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never write about solid mechanics.