Ortgublen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ruthless goat.

Ortgublen created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ortgublen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortgublen, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Ortgublen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Ortgublen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ortgublen.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Ortgublen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never jump in the presence of frogs.