Vogkarjig is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, contented bat.

Vogkarjig created gold six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogkarjig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vogkarjig, she will turn you into a goat.

Vogkarjig's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Vogkarjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near dogs while wearing indigo ear rings and balancing three iron spheres on your neck.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vogkarjig.

3. Feed all hungry whales.

4. Run away from green porpoises, for they are unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.
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