Jonparkladbog is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jonparkladbog created oxygen three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonparkladbog, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonparkladbog, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jonparkladbog's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Jonparkladbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear gray scarves.

2. Always help horses in need.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Put Jonparkladbog first in all things.

5. Never talk about archaea.