Bem is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, bad-tempered seal.

Bem created the Black Eye Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bem, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bem, it will think nothing of it.

Bem's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near ants while wearing cyan tights and balancing nine lead spheres on your chest.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always help horses in need.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never hop near whales.