Jamarpbab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured squid.

Jamarpbab created the cosmos twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jamarpbab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamarpbab, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jamarpbab's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Jamarpbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about special relativity near squirrels while wearing red corsets and balancing four platinum spheres on your back.

5. Always stare at clouds.