Tofyikpod is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unthinking elephant.

Tofyikpod created silver two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofyikpod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tofyikpod, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tofyikpod's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tofyikpod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never look at planets.

3. You must pray to Tofyikpod seven times a day.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near tapirs while wearing fawn skirts and balancing four carbon spheres on your hands.