Pidjapril is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, amazing frog.

Pidjapril created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pidjapril, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pidjapril, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Pidjapril's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Pidjapril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in white rooms.

2. Hide from pink goats for they are unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never paint your back black.

5. Never hurt frogs.