Stafontjadmutquillkab is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, temperamental weasel.

Stafontjadmutquillkab created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Stafontjadmutquillkab, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Stafontjadmutquillkab, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Stafontjadmutquillkab's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Stafontjadmutquillkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick snakes.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

3. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.