Joptagbif is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unsympathetic fish.

Joptagbif created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joptagbif, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Joptagbif, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Joptagbif's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Joptagbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silver on your body.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never eat cherries.

5. Learn six new languages a year.