Tarpmishan is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient lion.

Tarpmishan created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmishan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tarpmishan, he will try to impress you with trees.

Tarpmishan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tarpmishan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Tarpmishan on top of all buildings.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Tarpmishan in the centre of the settlement.

3. You must pray to Tarpmishan seven times a day.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.