Latkopbitpak is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, irritating skunk.

Latkopbitpak created the planet Venus seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latkopbitpak, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Latkopbitpak, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Latkopbitpak's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Latkopbitpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair white.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not eat carrots.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.