Gatwipceb is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, able goat.

Gatwipceb created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatwipceb, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gatwipceb, he will destroy your home solar system.

Gatwipceb's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gatwipceb's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Run away from cyan snails, for they are unholy.

5. Do not dye your hair pink.