Hassincar Bafvonkmip is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, awesome chinchilla.

Hassincar Bafvonkmip created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Hassincar Bafvonkmip, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hassincar Bafvonkmip, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Hassincar Bafvonkmip's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Hassincar Bafvonkmip's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Hassincar Bafvonkmip.

2. Never eat nuts.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never jump in holy places.