Cuncapfed is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, quiet jaguar.

Cuncapfed created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cuncapfed, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cuncapfed, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cuncapfed's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Cuncapfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Cuncapfed loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Pray towards the south.