Xucktafwigciss is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciless swan.

Xucktafwigciss created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucktafwigciss, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xucktafwigciss, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xucktafwigciss' most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Xucktafwigciss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucktafwigciss.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.