Cumnurlpig is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, witless rhinoceros.

Cumnurlpig created the Sombrero Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumnurlpig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cumnurlpig, she will remove you from existence.

Cumnurlpig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Cumnurlpig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cumnurlpig.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Never think ill of sick squirrels.