Nibkemwik Femfuncim is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing otter.

Nibkemwik Femfuncim created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nibkemwik Femfuncim, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nibkemwik Femfuncim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nibkemwik Femfuncim's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Nibkemwik Femfuncim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. Never feed figs to tapirs while wearing cyan scarves.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Put Nibkemwik Femfuncim first in all things.