Narlcunzen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, pitiless naga.

Narlcunzen created an atom four years ago.

If you believe in Narlcunzen, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narlcunzen, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Narlcunzen's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Narlcunzen's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Narlcunzen.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Narlcunzen.

4. Never sprint near great tits.

5. Never wear turquoise tights.