Padarffig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, ruthless raccoon.

Padarffig created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padarffig, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Padarffig, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Padarffig's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Padarffig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Never feed turnips to whales while wearing purple shoes.

3. You must love Padarffig.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Padarffig.

5. Padarffig must be the most important thing in your life.