Kemyattfutken is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, conceited cat.

Kemyattfutken created the planet Venus three million years ago.

If you believe in Kemyattfutken, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kemyattfutken, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Kemyattfutken's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Kemyattfutken's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near mites while wearing brown boots and balancing six platinum spheres on your face.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never feed pineapples to mice while wearing skirts.

4. Never wear stockings.

5. Do not take Kemyattfutken's name in vain.