Hapjigvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy fish.

Hapjigvonk created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapjigvonk, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapjigvonk, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Hapjigvonk's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Hapjigvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick otters.

2. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

3. Hide from green manatees for they are unholy.

4. Never think about gravity near squirrels while wearing orange skirts and balancing three lead spheres on your head.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hapjigvonk.