Cudwatyar Ontrigbess is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, ill-tempered pig.

Cudwatyar Ontrigbess created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cudwatyar Ontrigbess, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cudwatyar Ontrigbess, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Cudwatyar Ontrigbess' most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Cudwatyar Ontrigbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about solid mechanics.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near mites while wearing yellow trousers and balancing three nickel spheres on your face.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.