Mettargman is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow raven.

Mettargman created the Cigar Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Mettargman, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Mettargman, he will boil you in a big pot.

Mettargman's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Mettargman's Holy Commandments

1. Mettargman must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never think about enzymes.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Mettargman.

5. Retreat if eight moths approach from the west.