Tagkablun is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, smart snail.

Tagkablun created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagkablun, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tagkablun, she will strike you with lightening.

Tagkablun's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tagkablun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. You must never eat garlic.