Xemnatvig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, irritating bear.

Xemnatvig created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemnatvig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xemnatvig, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Xemnatvig's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Xemnatvig's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven cats approach from the east.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never think about quantum gravity.