Mapbonkbin is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, strong walrus.

Mapbonkbin created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapbonkbin, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mapbonkbin, it will turn you into a mouse.

Mapbonkbin's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Mapbonkbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck green.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near rats while wearing violet hats and balancing three tin spheres on your face.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

5. Never eat apples.